With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, what better time to understand, navigate, and maintain a more loving bond with your partner! By recognizing energetic stress you can learn to be in tune with your partner and all your close relationships. Try this fun and short quiz to find our your love energy created by David Feinstein and Donna Eden, authors of THE ENERGIES OF LOVE.
INSTRUCTIONS: Circle the letter of the response that best describes your experiences. Rather than choosing the response you would like to have, select rather a response that reflects your actual thoughts, feelings and/or behavior. (If you absolutely cannot decide between two items, leave it blank.)
1. When in major conflict with my partner:
a. I first see what my partner is doing wrong.
b. I am logical, rational, and reasonable.
c. I become exasperated at not feeling heard.
d. I am overwhelmed by my feelings.
2. When in major conflict with my partner:
a. My partner tells me that I can’t see my own part in it.
b. My partner sometimes accuses me of being too calm, cool, and collected.
c. My partner tells me I hear things in ways that weren’t meant.
d. My partner tells me I am too emotional.
3. When in major conflict with my partner:
a. I can see what my partner needs to do to solve the problem.
b. I detach and want to escape when my partner becomes too emotional.
c. I hear my inner dialogue louder than my partner’s voice.
d. I feel very lonely when my partner won’t show feelings.
4. When in major conflict with my partner:
a. It sometimes feels like a contest that I must win.
b. My superior logic gives me comfort.
c. I am very hard on myself.
d. I can’t find the words that match my inner knowing.
5. When in major conflict with my partner, my unspoken position is:
a. “You’re Wrong!”
b. “I’m Right!”
c. “I’m Mad at You for Making Me Feel Wrong!”
d. “I Don’t Want You to Feel Wrong!”
Mostly a’s -the more you experience yourself as a visual: During an argument you hurl the energies of judgment and impatience fast and powerfully. You may need to remind yourself that the way you see the situation is not necessarily the only way, and expand your vision by taking-in your partner’s perspective.
Mostly b’s – the more you experience yourself as a digital: During an argument your energy accumulates near your head, so you are very closed-off to other energies trying to interact with you during arguments. You may need to climb out of your inner cave and use your strong logical ability to ask more questions that will help you build a bridge of empathy to your partner so they don’t feel neglected.
Mostly c’s – the more you experience yourself as a tonal: You may need to entertain the possibility that you are distorting the reality of your partner’s words to you, and that they are more approving and positive than what you have interpreted. Identify what has been positive and affirming that has been said to you instead.
Mostly d’s – the more you experience yourself as a kinesthetic: You may need to remind yourself that your partner needs to hear your truth, not just over-compassion from you. Rehearse your needs and experience to yourself, and then, once rehearsed, make those unstated needs in the situation known to your partner.
Once you’ve scored it for yourself for love energy, consider taking the test again rating your partner. Then, if your partner also did the test, compare your scores with your partner’s scores on both versions.
Most people score highest in one area, somewhat less on a second, and substantially less on the other two. The top two scores reflect your primary and secondary styles. The primary what you instinctively rely upon during primal threat. Your secondary style has been nurtured by experience and preference, is often more valued consciously, and may be how you view yourself. This will often account for the difference between the way you scored yourself and the way your partner scored you. Recognizing these differences of perception is a start for bridging them and should, for now, at least lead to some interesting discussion!
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Donna Eden is a pioneer in the field of Energy Medicine who has served in both traditional and alternative health care settings. She is recognized for her innate ability to accurately determine the causes of physical and psychological problems based on the state of the body’s energies, and to devise highly effective treatments.
David Feinstein, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has served on the faculties of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and Antioch College. Author of eight books and more than 80 professional articles, he has been a pioneer in the areas of Energy Psychology and Energy Medicine.