Why Would They Do That To Me?

People meet you from where they are, not from where you are. Why would we expect anything
else? Because we have a selfish side that really does expect people to see it our way. Humans
are born innately asking for what we need. Crying, usually, as babies when we are
uncomfortable, need food, hugs, basic needs, to asking for or getting our needs met, as young
adults. As adults, we still expect people to care more, do more, be more for us, because part of
us never grew out of that child-like phase of getting our needs met outside of ourselves. Some
of us, like me, still believe all people are compassionate, kind, excited for good, just like we are,
and at that level.

I’ve been told my entire life that I am a little too much. That I need to knock it down a notch or
two, or simply that I am over-reacting. Usually, this last one came if I was brought to tears for
some reason. What that person was really saying is that my crying makes them uncomfortable,
so they would prefer I stop. Years and years of suppressing this natural tendency to live life out
loud and to vividly be who I was made to be, led to some really unhealthy practices, as I tried to
contain and conform myself into the ideals desired by others.

When I spoke to a particular group of young ladies and one raised her hand asking, “why would
they do that to me? ” I was ready with my usual response. My usual “people do the best they
can with what they know at the time, ” wasn’t enough for this girl. She had been abused as a
young girl and it appeared that she was working really hard on letting all of it go, but in reality,
something was still sticking to her. Trying to understand more, she asked me, “why would they
do that? ”

Part of healing from anything that’s harmed you in your past is multi-faceted.

1. Awareness: People meet you from where they are, not where you are. This is not to
excuse anything. This is your first tool in healing. This is for YOU, not them. What they
did is still not ok with you, and that’s a fact you carry on with. This becomes something
that happened in the past and releases any strong-hold on who you are, who you will
become. Goodbye.

2. Action: I love rituals. For my “a little too much ” self, I need a sensational closure. I need
to feel, smell, see, touch, experience the closure with all of my senses. We create
ceremonies at my workshops to let go. How you let go is up to you, but make it count.
You can’t just say, “I let that go. ” It lingers if you don’t make it count. I’ve donated old
things, rearranged the house, taken a trip by myself, journaled everything out then
burned the journal, anything to permanently separate from that which has harmed you.

3. Able: Now you control what and where you give your energy and focus. It’s such a
freeing feeling to take back your power and realize that while people meet you with
how they are, you may or may not resonate with who they are, and you start to practice
loving them where they are at, as you walk away from them. You, my dear sweet,
powerful being, are able to do just that.

Once you become aware of new boundaries that keep you safe, secure, or simply feeling your
best, you’ll want to protect them fiercely. Did you know you can actually overdo boundaries? I
remember getting really good at boundaries, after a lifetime of having really loose (or non-
existent) boundaries. I got so good at boundaries, that I locked out some goodness, too. I was
protected, but I was also cut off from some people and opportunities that I wanted in my life
experience. I had to create healthy boundaries and it became a balance that only has to work
for me. Also, healthy boundaries are important all year long, no matter the holiday, no matter
the situation, no matter the person. Healthy boundaries create a framework that lets people
know how to treat you. They help create respectful, mutual relationships because expectations
are clear. The biggest boundary problems occur when you put someone else’s needs before
your own and allow yourself to be mistreated or devalued.

My life journey has taught me that some traumas take more time and work than others, and I
support finding what works for you. Stay on the journey though! Release it from you, so you
can do the work you’re meant to do and live as you desire. I was 32 when I found the answers
to my own, “why did they do that ” questions, and still today, something will happen and I go to
ask that familiar question, except now, I know better. Now, I understand a bit more, and
sometimes I’ve even smiled a bit, and released from it -sending them love, and continuing on
my way. Living from a place of empowerment than from victimhood feels really good. Healing
doesn’t guarantee that harm won’t happen again, but isn’t it refreshing and empowering to
know that, whatever it is, you can rise above it? Your world opens up with that awareness. Go
capture it for yourself.

(For more on Lacey or the tools and resources she used to heal on her own journey, check out
, available on Amazon.)