by Kali Bliss | February 10, 2016 9:55 pm
February 14th, the love day of the year where couples rejoice, Facebook gets loaded with photos of flowers and special gifts, and people all around take time to promote whatever special partnerships they have. Love. Yes, it’s a great thing to celebrate and rejoice with when you have it. What about those who don’t have relationships and all those people yearning for a special someone to truly love?
Valentines day has always been a depressing day for me. I look back at all the years I had no one to love and no way to feel accepted or even worthy. Relationships with the opposite sex was something so foreign to me, I wondered if I’d ever find a good guy who actually cared to show up for me and accept me as is. What did I need to do or change to have a real romance? All those unhappy days, of going to school, seeing everyone else celebrate Valentines Day still make my insides cringe as I remember never having anyone to love or feel loved with. Growing up I had no father and the idea of having a romantic partner that really admired me was so foreign. I use to wonder what was so wrong with me and why I could not attract a worthy human being to match my lovely self. I believed in love, and I felt I was beautiful, yet I did not understand why I could not have happy relationships like so many of my friends. What was so wrong with me? Or was I destined to end up like my divorced parents?
I’ve grown a lot since then. I realized that this holiday gets way more hype than it deserves. Shouldn’t we celebrate love everyday? Even if you are single, you still have a lot of reason to rejoice. I know too many people in unhappy relationships and marriages that fake it and learn later what it means to love yourself. Sure the roses, flowers, chocolates, and happy vows may look good on the outside, but really love begins on the inside. It takes a long time to understand what that means. Being single is the best way to explore yourself and how to live authentically without need for anyone else. No partner or romance can fill you with happiness better than you can with your own self.
It’s funny what love can do to us and how wrapped up in desire we can get. What I’ve learned is that real love stems from having a good relationship with yourself and really feeling empowered to live life fully as you are. Relationships and people will always come and go. Consider yourself lucky if you have a friend, family, or partner that you can honestly open up with and mutually love and enjoy. It’s not something everyone is gifted with. Love is not about what or who you have. Love is a way of living and being. The more we can all learn to share love, give love, and celebrate love, the more we can all feel better in knowing what it feels like. Love is found inside us all.
Toss away the grief, despair, anger, and sad lonely tears and cries about the perfect partner you are seeking or wishing for. Love begins with you and celebrating who you are today. You can find love in many places, people, and in countless ways. The more I learned to let go of my idea of what love was and where I should be in life and what I should have, the happier I have become. The less I tried finding a guy, the more showed up. I’ve been blessed to experience love through many forms and with different people and soulmates. As I humbly surrendered into doing more things I enjoyed and followed my passions, the better I felt internally. You can cling to a perfect person, or you can create a life you love, and let the best match find you. Being single is sometimes the best blessing to help you rediscover how to live each day for you. After all if you don’t have you at the end of the day, you don’t have much.
I no longer lament or feel ashamed for being single. In fact, I embrace my ability to live an independent life and chase my own dreams and desires beyond finding that perfect ‘love.’ I am no longer insecure in thinking I need to change to fit into a model of how I should be. I‘m confident that the right relationship will come around. You don’t need someone to hold your hand to feel happy and loved. You do need yourself.
This Valentines Day I celebrate my ability to be me as me. Wild, happy, free, and confident to love life and enjoy all the fabulous people I meet along the way who helped me learn what love is. We are meant to love daily. On this heart day, and every other day, I rejoice in finally knowing what it means and feels like to love me.
Share love today, tomorrow, and every other day after.
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